Dear Lost Spark,
I wonder if I have truly left everything behind. I wonder if I have completely moved on. Everything, as in you, your memories, my memories: about you, with you, about the time we were together. I wonder if I have left that world in all respects, the one you used to say was formed from the union of your world and mine. I wonder what happened during those moments of annihilation.
Did that world break away into yours and mine again? Or did it completely fall away into non-being? I’m not completely sure what had happened during those final moments, but one thing that I know for sure: there’s something amiss in this place that I’m living in right now.
I knew there used to be a warmth, some source of light in that world, whether it was yours, mine or. . . ours. Now, it’s not there. There’s this chill spread all around, and it sucks in anything warm, anything bright into itself. It doesn’t let anything else grow, neither does it let anything live for long.
People have been telling me lately, “how can you be so cold?”
And in reply, I ask them back, “is it really a problem? Like, what difference does it make in the long run?” The conversation ends. And later, I’m left wondering whether the conversation ended forever. Whether I broke yet another tie with the living world by offending that innocent soul.
And that’s when I realize – ‘Yes, a lot was left out in that moment. A lot that I thought was unimportant. Yes, in that moment of annihilation, the most important thing I lost was myself.’
The Smothered Flame.
The above letter might seem familiar to some.
One of those letters some of us have written on more than one occasion, for the one love we couldn’t keep alive till the end. But. . .here’s the thing. At the risk of being brutally honest, why do we feel that we won’t be able to love again after a bad separation?
Is it really because there’s not going to be another like The Lost One? Or is it because we have lost ourselves in the process of mourning that one loss?
I believe both the notions have a strong foundation. One the one hand, you might say that no two people are same, and we certainly aren’t going to find another quite the same. On the other, it’s also a truth that a bad separation restructures our thinking. It breaks us to the core and turns our trust and abilities to accept in another direction.
But it doesn’t change the fact that we are human. And humans have one skill that’s better than all: We are good at learning.
We can Learn to live again. We can learn to love again. We can be changed, for better or for worse, but an experience always adds something, it may push some things deep, but they still are there. We just have to bring those good things back.
Have a Good Day!